On this day, 5 years ago, I married my best buddy. We had been dating for about 3 months after about 13 years of refusing to mix friendship with romance. Refusing to even consider it, on my part at least.
We met in high school and I think he was a little bit in love with me then. But he was my friend and I’d seen (and experienced) too many friendships die in the name of romance, so I was not interested. At all. He was my friend and that’s all he could ever be, in my head at least.
Then I grew up and realized married women don’t have guy friends like that. It’s a conflict of interest. It’s hard to know where to draw the line and what not to share. It all gets complicated.
I’m not saying married women can’t have guy friends. I’m just saying the dynamic changed. For me a least. Somewhere along the way, my best guy friend from 3rd grade became the hubby of my new gal pal, who’s now one of my close friends and I now talk to her way more often than I talk to him and that’s ok. I’m just saying somewhere along the way, I decided it was ok to date a friend.
When my first marriage went to crap in an epic way, I was done with men. I was going to be a single mom to 4 kids for the rest of my life and that was ok. For a while. Then I got lonely.
Then I realized the hardest part for me, if I ever got into another relationship, would be trust. How do you trust a new guy when the last guy you trusted left you 34 weeks pregnant with your 4th child for a woman he met at a bar on your birthday while away for job training? And then I realized it wasn’t just the other person I would have problems trusting. It was also me — my own judgement. Because I picked that guy. I married that guy. I trusted that guy. I thought we were happy. And then it all blew up.
A couple years later, enter Eddie, stage right, someone I had already trusted. And I still trusted him. I just wasn’t sure we would have any chemistry. Because I’d never allowed myself to test that.
He asked me to date him. I thought about it for about a month, because I wanted to see where it went but I was scared it would blow up and I’d lose a friend.
We talked a lot that month and for the months that followed. We would talk sometimes until we fell asleep and I’d wake up hours later, hearing his breath on the other end of the line. I wonder if he ever woke up and heard me sleeping. We just never wanted to end the conversation.
One day, we were standing in my grandmother’s kitchen and I took a line from Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not and told him he was about to miss his chance because he had about 15 seconds until one of the kids came in the kitchen. I think it was really about 10. He kissed me and there were fireworks and right then, I knew all I needed to know.
A couple months later, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. He met my grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins in Alabama. They loved him. And my grandmother drove back to Georgia with us to see us get married.
I was late to my own wedding. I drove from Jasper to Tucker to pick up my sister then we got our nails done and drove to the Jasper courthouse. I’ll never forget the look on Eddie’s face when I got there. So much relief and happiness. Like up until that moment, he thought I’d changed my mind.
It wasn’t a magical wedding. My parents didn’t come. My aunt and my sister only came to object. The judge cut the tension with a knife and offered everyone there a slice of “support this couple so their marriage can succeed” and my aunt walked out. I didn’t know for about 3 years that my sister had been planning to object, too. Rory pooped halfway through the ceremony and the stench filled the entire room. It was not the wedding of my dreams. But it was the start of a beautiful marriage.
Today, we’ve been married for 5 years. My parents have come around and I hope my sister did, too, before she died. It’s been a hard 5 years. We’ve had good times and bad, happy times and sad, sickness and health, we even almost got parted by death. . .
And there’s no one I’d rather do life with than my husband. He makes every day better just by being there. He fills my life with music and dances with me to it. He is the best husband to me and the best father to our kids. And even when he drives me crazy, there’s no one else I’d rather drive there with.
Our life isn’t perfect. We have disagreements. We have lulls. We have peaks and valleys. We have dead babies. We have inappropriate jokes to cope. There’s no one else I’d rather laugh with (and possibly no one else who would laugh at them with me). I love him just the way he is and he loves me well. I have been richly blessed by God in my husband and I am so thankful.
5 years ago today, I took a leap of faith and my life has been all the better for it. I’ve never regretted it for a second. Today, I thank God for 5 beautiful years with my husband and ask for 50 more. Or 60. 70 would be ok, too. The more, the merrier. . . Although, I do have to admit I’m really looking forward to 15 years. After all, 15 years is big metal chickens.
Happy anniversary, hubby. I love you to the falls and back.
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