What would make a runner stop running anyways?

Running is something I truly love. Sometimes I love it and I hate it at the same time (which mostly has to do with my calves and shins at this point), but even when it hurts I love it. Even when I hate it while I’m doing it, as soon as I’m done I’m looking forward to the next run. I always want to do it again.

I haven’t always loved running. I hated it in high school. I loved playing soccer but couldn’t stand running unless there was a ball in front of me. Somewhere around the time Rory was a baby, I read an article that said if you tell yourself you love running while you’re running, you’ll eventually love running. It took a while, but it worked for me and I’ve lived running ever since.

For the past 7 years, the c25k app has been on my phone and for the past 7 years I have loved running. But I have stopped running several times during those 7 years. Every time I restart, I ask myself why did I ever stop because I love it so much, but I usually had a pretty good reason. Or so I thought at the time. Today, I thought I’d share the reasons why I’ve stopped running in the past with y’all.

In no particular order, here are the main reasons I’ve taken breaks from running:

1. Injury — I love to run, but I’m also kind of a klutz. When Rory was a baby and I had just developed a love of running, one day I walked with the kids to a park so I could get my run in while they played. Just as I was running around a flipped over soccer goal, one of my kids screamed “Mom!” so I looked at them and tripped in some netting and hurt my knee. Which resulted in buying a knee brace and not running for a while. (This story also belongs in a list of reasons I shouldn’t run with my kids and reasons I should watch where I’m putting my feet. . .) This is not the only running injury I’ve had that caused me to take a break, but it was certainly the most memorable.
2. Miscarriage — When Eddie and I were first married, I was probably in the best shape of my life because most of our dates had consisted of meeting at various YMCAs and working out together while the kids played in the play centers and then getting lunch. We continued to work out several times a week and I continued to run after we got married. A couple months after we got married, we learned we were expecting and I kept running. A couple weeks later, during a run, I started bleeding. I had miscarried before so my heart immediately sank. I continued to bleed a little and a couple days later I started bleeding a lot and we lost the baby. At that point, I found myself unable to go to the YMCA or run. It was probably a year before I tried to do either again.
3. Pregnancy and fear — Almost 3 years to the day we found out we were expecting Baby B, we found out we were expecting Maggie. I was running some at the time, but I stopped. Because even though the doctor said I could continue to run without risking the health of my baby, I was scared to. I was scared it would make me lose Maggie because it was what I was doing when I lost Baby B. So I stopped. I also stopped running when I was pregnant with Ruth for the same reason. I knew it was an irrational fear, but the fear was just too deep. It was so much easier to stop running than to fight the fear and guilt that came with it.
4. Anemia and exhaustion — When I lost Ruth, I almost bled to death. So even though I wanted to run again when the doctor gave me the all clear to do so, I was still anemic and didn’t have the energy to do anything. It was at least 6 weeks before I felt like I had the energy to try to run again.
5. Depression and grief — Yes, running helps with depression, but only if you do it. If you are in a downward spiral, grief and depression are just so exhausting. So even though running would help alleviate depression and generate some much needed energy, it’s so hard to find the energy for that first run. It’s so much easier to stay in bed. There have been several periods of time when I took the easy way out for a while before I worked up the energy for that first run. But after that icebreaker run, it’s always much easier to run again.
6. Busyness and Motherhood — There have been several times when being a mom and then a military mom and then a single mom to 4 and then a married mom to 4 when I have just had too much going on. In true mom fashion, I tend to prioritize myself last. So when I have too much to do, often running is the first thing to not do. It’s a bad choice for me because running is like my oxygen mask. I put it on so I can take care of the rest of the world. And yet, when limitations of time exert themselves and I’m overbooked and stressed, I don’t always put on my oxygen mask. It doesn’t usually last long, but any amount of time when I don’t run takes a toll. What I save in time I lose in patience and sanity and then I remember I need to run to make everything work right.

So there you have it. The reasons why this lover of running has stopped running. Fortunately for me, I’ve yet to lose the love of running, even when I lose the will to run for a while. It’s my water. It calls me. And I am always better when I follow that calling.