Last weekend, we went to the marriage retreat at our church for the third year in a row. Which we did not plan to go to for the third year in a row. I’m sure you’re wondering how that could happen — how could anyone possibly go somewhere 3 years in a row without planning on going there. Well, I’ll tell you.
In 2016, we did not know that the marriage retreat existed. We found out it was a thing maybe 2 weeks before the weekend when it was held and we had no intention of going because we thought all the rooms were full. About a week before the weekend it was held, we found out that there were a couple of rooms left and they were discounted because they were just trying to fill the last couple of rooms. So we asked the grandparents to watch our kids and we signed up at the last minute. We had a blast.
Stephen Kendrick was the speaker, all meals were included, we were in a beautiful place without our kids. It was wonderful. But there was one couple there that included a very pregnant wife who commented that she would not be there if she had known when she signed up that she would be so very pregnant that weekend. We had lost a baby in 2013 and we very much wanted to have a baby and hoped we would learn we were expecting soon. So we did not sign up for the marriage retreat in 2017 on the hope that we would be expecting around that date.
We found out we were expecting in June 2016. She was due in March 2017 and the marriage retreat would be in April so we were very glad that we had not signed up for it that year. There was no way we would be able to leave a breastfed newborn at home with the grandparents. So we weren’t going to go. Then 8 days before her due date and about 6 weeks before the marriage retreat, we found out that our sweet Maggie’s heart had stopped beating. We were not going to have a newborn during the marriage retreat. She was gone. Of course, by then the marriage retreat would be completely booked. And anyways, we certainly weren’t thinking about it at that point.
A week or so before the marriage retreat, we found out there was a room opened. We were tired and grieving, but we decided that going to the marriage retreat would be good for us. So we signed up at the last minute again and we went again. We had a great time again. Stephen Kendrick was the speaker again. And again hope kept us from signing up for the next year.
We found out we were expecting Ruth in December 2017. The entire first trimester was exhausting. And then she was gone before I even felt her kick. I almost bled to death in the miscarriage, had to have an emergency D&C to stop the bleeding and 10 weeks later I’m still not back to 100%. At no point during that time did I think about the marriage retreat, although our reason not to go had gone.
About 5 weeks before the marriage retreat, we saw the man who runs it at the first grade bible presentation at our church. Our youngest living child had just received her Bible from our pastor, just as her 3 sisters had in the past, and he told us there were only a few rooms left for the marriage retreat and we should hurry up and sign up. He said there weren’t going to be any last minute rooms available this year. And I looked at him and said “if God wants us to go, He can save us a room.” He laughed. I laughed. And I didn’t give it another thought.
I really wasn’t intending on going this year. The speaker had changed and I had no clue who Steve Turner was and no interest in going and hearing a different speaker. I liked Steven Kendrick. Did I mention I have issues with change? Well, I do.
Two weeks before the marriage retreat, I got an email that there was an open room. And I ignored it. I wasn’t going. One week before the marriage conference, I got another email and ignored it. I wasn’t going and I was taking my kids to GA day at UGA that Saturday. I didn’t want to hear a new speaker and I had plans.
The next day, I was informed by a friend who was going that not only was there an open room, the couple who canceled their trip had gifted their room as a scholarship to the couple who signed up next. And I remembered what I said to the man coordinating the marriage retreat. And I realized that God had called my bluff and saved us a room. Not only that, He had provided it to us for free. I thought “Wow, He must really want us to go. He must have a message for us.”
So 6 days before the marriage retreat, I signed us up and we went. It was exactly what we needed. My husband and I were able to relax, spend some one on one time together, and reconnect. And the speaker was phenomenal. God had a message for me and I left refreshed and challenged.
We haven’t signed up for next year yet, though. Honestly, I’m hoping next year we will have a baby because I’m always hoping that. Hope springs eternal and all. But I have learned something from this experience (I hope): New speakers are a good thing and God doesn’t need a movie producer to pass on a message to me.
Many thanks to our church and Windshape who planned for a year for each of the marriage retreats that I planned for a week or two for. Also, thanks to Seth Condrey for your transparency and music this year and Steve and Dawn Turner for your transparency and teaching. And I’m sorry, Steve, for my reluctance to attend due to the speaker change. And also for having my husband hunt you down to find out what was supposed to go in that one blank. But I really needed to know. Like really bad. And a special thanks to the couple who provided us with this opportunity. We greatly appreciate it and God used that weekend to minister to us in a big way.
If you live near Rome, GA or Woodstock, GA, the marriage retreat is held in April at the Windshape retreat at Berry College and it’s arranged by the young adult ministry at FBCW. It starts on a Friday night with dinner and a speaking session. Saturday there are a couple more speaking sessions, some free time to spend with your spouse, and a movie to enjoy together. Sunday morning there’s a final session after breakfast and then it’s over. And there’s a CFA ice dream machine opened 24/7.
The food is awesome, the speaking is great, the music is wonderful. It is a very relaxing, beautiful time to spend reconnecting with your spouse and pursuing a godly marriage in a beautiful place and my only complaint is it’s only 3 days and 2 nights. I hope to attend again, ideally under less tragic circumstances, but I’m still not signing up for next year yet. Out of hope. Some things stay the same.
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