It’s a Musical thing

It all started with a song.

Well, it all started with a question.

And before that, it started with a bunch of kids in all black, under the stairs. But that was the start of a beautiful friendship. A question and a song started something much different.

When I was a broken, sad-mad kid, feeling unloved and looking for someone to change that for me, I came to mistakenly believe that having a relationship with a friend would be a bad idea. Instead of considering that having a relationship with a friend could deepen said relationship and make something even more beautiful, I feared that it would crash and burn and destroy said friendship and that, to me, was not worth the risk.

Fast forward many, many years through relationships that could not hack it and becoming an adult and realizing that once you get married, opposite sex relationships just don’t work the same. . . After the end of my marriage and the decision that I was done with relationships because men couldn’t be trusted. . . Then I got back in contact with my friend, who I already trusted.

After a while, there was a question.

“Would you consider dating me?”

And a most unexpected, likely far too detailed answer that ended with some very clear expectations of what dating would mean to me and a question in return.

“Can I think about it?” And I did. Some days, I had a hard time thinking about anything else.

We started talking. A lot. Long, random conversations, some of which ended when we fell asleep or our phones died.

And one day, another question.

“Which song do you like better, Crazy Girl or Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?”

And my thinking went to a whole different level. I couldn’t pick one of those songs that I liked more because I really loved Crazy Girl because I am a crazy girl who still needs to hear that song on a regular basis. It just makes me feel loved. But I also really wanted him to kiss me.

Then one day in my Grandma’s kitchen, I issued my own challenge. I told him he probably had about 30 seconds before one of the kids would come into the room. . . (I was wrong, it was about 15). He kissed me and the rest was history.

And then one day, he asked me another question.

“Will you marry me?”

And I said yes. And the rest became our history. It’s been 5 years today since I agreed to date him and almost 5 years since we got married and I still think that’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

Today, we have 145 songs. We still find new songs that we love that we add to “our songs” because we still look for new songs that describe how we feel about each other. We listen to the songs when we’re together. Sometimes I listen to them alone with a goofy smile on my face. We listen to them on road trips. Sometimes we dance to them. But my favorite times are when my husband sings them to me.

And it all started with a song. Or a question. Or both. And I’m so glad it did. It’s a musical thing and I hope the music never ends. . .

DIY gifts — the gift that keeps on giving

This is my favorite shirt. It wasn’t always my favorite. I liked it well enough when I got it. My sister made it for me. It was pretty. It had purple. It showed my love of knitting. And then I lost it.

And then I lost my sister. I wasn’t ready to lose my sister. I don’t think I ever would have gotten ready, either. She was my little sister. She wasn’t supposed to go before me. She was supposed to be here with me forever.

My sister was super crafty. She could sew anything. She did vinyl and embroidery. She made everything prettier and funner. She didn’t often make me things, she mostly made kids stuff, so it was special when she made stuff for me. And the stuff she made me became even more special once she was gone.

I found my shirt a couple weeks ago. Apparently if you overstuff your dresser drawers, stuff can fall under the bottom drawer and become stuck in clothing purgatory. I found it there, put it on, and thought about my sister. I’ve worn it several times since.

I’m so thankful I found it. So thankful my sister made it for me and so inspired to knit gifts for my friends and family for next Christmas. Because now I know, the gifts you craft are what people hold on to remember you by when you’re gone. If you’re crafty, I’d like to encourage you to gift from your craftiness if you can. Your loved ones might not understand the time and effort that goes into making them. They might not fully appreciate the gift now. But none of us live forever and handmade gifts give your loved ones something to hold onto and remember you by when you’re gone. That’s a gift that keeps on giving. Think about it.

Missing Thanksgivings Past

I’ve always loved Thanksgiving. For me, it’s always been a more relaxed, more honest holiday. Things always went wrong in the execution of the day, but it was ok because the whole point of the day was to enjoy time with my family and eat good food and nothing ever happened bad enough to prevent us from enjoying all the time or all the food. We were usually late, sometimes some of the food wasn’t perfect, but Thanksgiving just shrugged its shoulders at the parts that weren’t ideal, kept on going and always ended up being a good day despite the bits of bad mixed in. The good was more than enough to redeem the day. 

When I was a child, Thanksgiving was Grandma’s day. My parents, my 3 sisters and I would pile into our van and drive 45 minutes to Grandma’s house and enjoy good food and fellowship with my Grandma, the Bradleys if we got there early enough and the Thorntons if they were stateside. 

There was a table in the formal dining room and a table in the kitchen and one would be the adult table and the other would be the kids table and sometimes Uncle David would sit with us kids just because he wanted to <3. We would all eat and talk and eat some more. We didn’t often see our aunts and uncles and cousins so it was a special time for us to catch up. I miss it. 

I usually ate so much that the day ended with a vow to never eat again and a long walk to make room for a turkey sandwich later. I miss those days and I miss my Grandma. 

When my grandma got sick and could no longer eat, we stopped having Thanksgiving there and we started having Thanksgiving with my sister and her kids. Usually, she would host. 

Since we got married in 2013, we have done Thanksgiving with my family and then with Eddie’s family later that day and then with Eddie’s Granny on Saturday. It was hectic and crazy at times, but I miss it. 

After my grandma died in 2014, my parents hosted for a few years. Last year, Joanna hosted. Mom and dad brought the turkey. They were late. By the time they arrived, we had already eaten and were just hanging out, enjoying the time together. Parts of it was frustrating and crazy, but it was good anyways and I miss that day and my beautiful sister. 

Today, I’m missing Thanksgivings past, not because they were perfect but because they weren’t missing anyone. I miss the certainty. We knew where we were going and what we were doing and who was bringing what. I miss the knowing what to expect. This year is like when Grandma got sick, everyone deciding will we still get together or will we fall apart. 

There was a part of me that didn’t want to have Thanksgiving at all this year because there’s no substitute for the people who can no longer be in it, but I also felt that if I didn’t do Thanksgiving with my family this year that it would be harder to start it up again and maybe we just wouldn’t do thanksgiving as a family anymore and that wasn’t an option I wanted to consider. Well, it was an option I very much wanted to consider because it sounded a lot easier and less painful, but it wasn’t an option I wanted to do. 

I hate the uncertainty and the insecurity and the fact that I was tempted to not do anything. I hate the part of me that didn’t want to do Thanksgiving with my family at all, but I understand it. It wouldn’t be the same without Joanna. It still hadn’t recovered from losing Grandma. It never got to meet Maggie. What once was such a family filled time is missing too much of the family. I was tempted to skip it, but decided not to give into temptation. I wanted to see my family even if it would hurt and would mean missing the ones who aren’t here and being sad. 

So I stepped into some very big shoes, and decided to host Thanksgiving at my house. I invited my parents and my sisters and my brother in law and nieces and nephews and my BIL’s mom. I started cooking and cleaning the day before and the day of, I found out that my parents and my brother in law and my nieces and nephew and my BIL’s mom would not be coming. 

I was immediately reminded of the story Jesus told:

“Then He said to him, “A certain man gave a great supper and invited many, and sent his servant at supper time to say to those who were invited, ‘Come, for all things are now ready.’ But they all with one accord began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a piece of ground, and I must go and see it. I ask you to have me excused.’ And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to test them. I ask you to have me excused.’ Still another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’ So that servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house, being angry, said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in here the poor and the maimed and the lame and the blind.’ And the servant said, ‘Master, it is done as you commanded, and still there is room.’ Then the master said to the servant, ‘Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled. For I say to you that none of those men who were invited shall taste my supper.’ ” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭14:16-24‬ ‭‬‬

And I had the compulsion to drive around and find someone to eat with us. I had the compulsion, but not the time. I also knew that my husband would probably not approve of that idea. So instead, I invited some friends and a neighbor and kept preparing dinner. 

We ended up having almost as many people as we had invited originally, friends who are like the family I got to choose to me. The food was good, but the dressing took longer to bake than I expected so dinner was a little late, most of my family didn’t show, one of our friends hit a deer en route and her daughter didn’t feel well so they didn’t get to stay long, but at the end of the night our bellies and our dishwasher were full and so were our hearts. 

I still missed my Grandma, my sister and my daughter. The day was full of craziness and stress and last minute issues. But Thanksgiving was still full of good food and good company and there was more than enough good to redeem the day. It was not the perfect day by far, but it’s still my favorite holiday. 

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that Thanksgiving is as resilient as ever. It has grown up a bit with me and its issues are bigger, but it’s still full of enough good to outweigh the bad, regardless of who it is missing. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with the people who were able to be with you. We all have so much to be thankful for and while thankfulness can coexist with grief, the one you focus on determines whether your day is happy or sad. May your bellies and hearts be full and may your day have more than enough good to redeem the bad. 

A couple great grief reads

When I was a child and young adult (before kids), I loved to read. Since I started having kids almost 14 years ago, I haven’t done as much reading as I wanted. Even my first pregnancy interrupted my reading. When I felt exhausted and nauseated all the time, I was more apt to sleep than to read. I still am.

Since losing Maggie, I have had many such exhausted times, but I’ve also struggled with filling empty time during the day and insomnia hours at nights. My sister Jessica introduced me to Overdrive, an app that allows you to check out kindle books through your local library. All you need is a local library card number and a device with internet access. Since then, I have read a bunch of books.

My sister introduced me to the hunger games series and a couple of other serieses and between reading those, I’ve searched for books on grief, either fiction or nonfiction. Today, I would like to introduce you to the 3 best books I’ve found on grief so far.

Belzhar by Meg Wolitzer — This is one of the first books I read that I found by searching for the subject of grief. It is about many different kinds of tragedies, as experienced by teenagers. It is not about the loss of children, but it is about loss and focuses on teens who are derailed by their losses. It is nonfiction and was a good read for me while I was feeling derailed. And it has a nice, unexpected twist in there, which I found interesting. I don’t want to spoil the plot, so I’m not going to give any more details about it, but I highly encourage you to read this book.

A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis —This is a nonfiction book, a journal of C. S. Lewis’ thoughts and feelings on his grief journey that started with the loss of his wife. It is not about the loss of a child, but does mention the loss of a child. I love this book because it made me feel free to grieve without feeling like a “bad Christian” for doing so. I’ve long admired C. S. Lewis’ writing style, having been a fan of The Chronicles of Narnia series since I was a child, and have always thought of him as a wise Christian. His raw expression of grief freed me to grieve openly, deeply and without feeling guilty about it. It’s a quick read and full of great quotes that really resonate with me. I’m going to limit myself to sharing just three.

“The act of living is different all through. Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” C. S. Lewis

“If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in losing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to ‘glorify God and enjoy Him forever.’ A comfort to the God-aimed, eternal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.” C. S. Lewis

“I will turn to her as often as possible in gladness. I will even salute her with a laugh. The less I mourn her the nearer I seem to her. An admirable programme. Unfortunately it can’t be carried out. Tonight all the hells of young grief have opened again; the mad words, the bitter resentment, the fluttering in the stomach, the nightmare unreality, the wallowed-in tears. For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?” C. S. Lewis

This book made me think about grief in different ways, it made me cry and it made me feel better at the same time.

Leaving time by Jodi Picoult — This is a fiction book about a girl whose mom has been missing for 10 years who is looking for her. Her mother had been a scientist who studied elephant behavior, in particular their reaction to grief. There are many references to an elephant’s grief when their calves die that really speak to me and demonstrate the author’s understanding of grief. I’m going to limit myself to my 2 favorite quotes from this book. The names are the person in the book who said the quote.

“I think grief is like a really ugly couch. It never goes away. You can decorate around it; you can slap a doily on top of it; you can push it to the corner of the room — but eventually, you learn to live with it.” Thomas

“There are an endless number of people who have left a love-shaped hole in the heart of someone else. Eventually someone brave and stupid will come along and try to fill that hole. But it never works, and so instead, that selfless soul winds up with a gap in his heart, too. And so on. It’s a miracle that anyone survives, when so much of us is missing.” Jenna

This book also has a twist that I can’t explain without spoiling it. It has a lot to say about mothering, a lot about elephant mothering that correlates to human mothering, and a lot about loss of child and calf but also mentions loss of a parent and loss of mind. It has a motherly perspective throughout the book, even though different chapters of the book are written from different people’s point of views, most of whom were not mothers.

I hope you’ll give these books a read. If you do, I’d love to hear your thoughts on them.



The 7 best grief gifts I’ve received

When I lost my daughter, in many ways, I lost myself at the same time. Food lost all flavor. Joy left my life. I wanted to be dead with my daughter. I changed into someone I didn’t even recognize. But for my husband and my children who needed me and my family and friends who surrounded me and kept pulling me back from the brink, I might well have just layed down and died. It would have been easy. I did not care if I lived or died at the time. 

I believe God surrounded me with good friends prior to the loss of my daughter because He knew how badly I would need them. As usual, He was right. I have the best friends ever. Everyone thinks that, I’m sure, but in my case it’s true. My friends loved me well and enriched my life with gifts that were truly God-inspired. Some of the best gifts I received, in no particular order, are as follows:

The first best gift I received from my friends was the gift of food. My Sunday school teacher’s wife set up a meal train for the first couple of weeks. When I didn’t care if I lived or died and my days were full of funeral planning and devoid of cooking time, my friends kept me and my family fed. I was so humbled and blessed by that meal train. There were people who brought us dinner who we didn’t even know. I was so thankful for them and the meals they provided. They definitely stood in the gap for us at that time. I hope they all know how thankful we were for their gifts. Never underestimate the power of a hot meal to comfort a broken heart. 

The second best gift I received was something to hold onto. My friend Megan gave me a beautiful stuffed bear that she had removed the stuffing from and filled with scented lavender beads so that the bear weighed the same as my daughter. I slept with it and held it for the first couple of weeks. The lavender helped me to sleep and the floppy weight almost felt like I was holding Maggie. It is still on my nightstand beside my bed and still offers me comfort today. My friend Nikki had a beautiful blanket embroidered for Maggie. She had not been able to come to the baby shower and Maggie passed before I saw her. She gave it to me after Maggie died and I’m so glad she did. It is beautiful and soft and still treasured and held today. When your arms are empty, the gift of something to hold is so comforting. 

The third best gift I received was remembrance. I had a friend who was a member of my Sunday school class years ago who suffered a late term loss. She and another friend bought me a beautiful set of wooden blocks that have her name and her birthdate on them. I placed them in the window sill of the window where I like to watch the birds and I look at it and remember Maggie. 

The fourth best gift I received was food for my soul in written form. I was gifted a daily Bible “for the days when your heart is broken and you don’t even know what to read, just look up the date and read.” I’ve had a few of those days and I’m thankful for the gift. I was also gifted a beautiful devotional that I have almost read cover to cover that has helped me immeasurably and a beautiful book of first hand accounts by parents who lost children that made me feel less alone and helped me to realize that grief had caused me to lose my sense of taste and that I was not the only one who had that reaction. Before I read that book, I had been putting way too much salt on my food in effort to taste something to no avail. Who knew grief could take your sense of taste?

The fifth best gift I received was companionship. Beautiful friends who were there for me at the hospital, friends who came and met Maggie who saw her and held her and made me feel like I am not going to be alone in remembering her, friends who came to the funeral and friends who brought food there. Friends who have called and texted and fb messaged “just to check” on me. Friends who make me not feel alone in this. Not feeling alone is a priceless gift. 

The sixth best gift was the gift of making new happy memories with my family. The day after her funeral, a family we know and love invited us all to go bowling as a family with them and we went and laughed and bowled and enjoyed ourselves on a day when we otherwise probably would have been home, crying. When the precious ladies I used to work with found out about Maggie passing, they chipped in and sent us gift cards for the movies and restaurants and on a rainy day in the summer when my husband was off work, we all piled in the car and went to the movies and laughed at the minions. It was so nice to relax and spend time with my family, but not something I would have thought to do at the time. I’m thankful for friends who thought of it for me and gave me opportunities to do it. 

The seventh best gift was the gift of renewed joy. When the colors drained out of my life and took the joy with them, I forgot how to be happy. I felt like I would never be happy again. Then one day, my friend invited me to go bike riding, something I had not done since high school. I loved it and started going as often as I could make it to Woodstock. My friend did not just give me the gift of her time, she also gifted me with a moment of joy and color began returning to my life. Sometimes all a person needs for joy to return to their life is to feel a moment of joy to know that it is possible. 

I’m so thankful for the gifts of friendship and all the gifts that have come from friends during this time. They have all been appreciated. I have been richly blessed and I thank God for all the blessings I’ve received. 

If you have a friend that has suffered a loss, I hope this post gives you some practical ideas of how to minister to your friend. Sometimes we all need a friend to encourage us, love on us, be there with us and help us find our lost joy. 

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” ‭‭Numbers‬ ‭6:24-26‬ ‭

If you have suffered a loss, I hope and pray God surrounds you with friends who will minister to you, but most of all I pray that you will be comforted and that you will find some joy again. It is possible. 

“Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

7 things that make my run better (and the one thing I almost always forget)

I love to run. I love to pull on my shoes and put up my hair, go out my door, clear my mind and just run. I love that there’s a possibility to think through something that’s bothering me or clear my mind and think of nothing at all. I love to challenge myself, push farther and harder and faster. 

I love to run, but I don’t always love the run. Sometimes I get bored. Sometimes my legs are sore. Sometimes I get sweaty or fall down. Sometimes I get a third of the way through and realize I’ve forgotten something that I would rather have with me on the run than not have with me. Here is a list of things I’d rather not run without. 

1. My tuperware cups – 

These are a few of my favorite things. My mother-in-love gave them to me a while ago. They are Tupperware cups with tops. Each holds 16 ounces so if I fill both up 4 times, I drink a gallon of water a day and because they are resealable, they are easy to keep with me without making a huge mess. If I keep it with me, I drink it. If I don’t, in the craziness of life as it is right now, I can seriously forget to drink water. It’s the simple things that work and this is the one that works for me. These are important to my everyday life, but they are even more important on the days I run because what I sweat out, I must replenish or I get dehydrated and cranky. I don’t carry them with me while I’m running because I like my hands free while I’m running, both to catch myself if I fall and also to keep my arms pumping while I run, but I take them with me in my van and drink water on the way to where I’m running, as soon as I’m done running, and on the drive home from running. 
2. My phone – Everything is on my phone these days, even my running. There are a couple apps that I just don’t run without and those are:

• The C25K app from zenlabs, which I use to keep track of what my next run is supposed to be. I’m down to my last 2 runs and then I’m planning on taking a couple weeks to keep running the 5k distance to reduce my time and then I’m thinking about starting the 5k to 10k extension of the C25K app. 
• The iRunner app. I use it to keep track of the distance I have run for the runs when I’m supposed to run a certain distance without stopping. I track distance on all of my runs, but this is especially important on the distance-specific runs. I also use it on biking trips. I love that the iRunner app stores data from each of my running and biking sessions so I can compare today’s run or ride to last week’s and last month’s run or ride to determine my progress. 
• My interval timer app – recently, I’ve been doing interval running, especially on my longer runs. I find that if I run for 30 seconds and then jog for 1 minute, the run feels like it goes faster for me. I’m no longer focusing on how sore my legs are or how long I’ve been running or how far I have left to run. I’m just focusing on what interval I’m on (fast or slow) and how long I have left in that interval and sometimes how many intervals I have left. I find interval running helps keep me running in the moment more instead of looking at my phone and doing mental math. I don’t know if interval running actually makes me run any faster, but it does mix things up and make my run more enjoyable for me. 
• Pandora because music makes the run more enjoyable and I love that I can skip songs I don’t like (or don’t like to run to) and those songs do not get played on that station anymore. I have a separate pandora station for running songs and most of the time I love the songs Pandora plays. 
• IF I run inside (and that’s a big IF because I’d rather not run at all than run inside, it’s just so boring and feels like it takes forever when 18 laps = a mile and every lap looks the same), I use the Tap-A-Lap app to keep track of where I am in my run, distance wise. I only run inside when it’s storming bad outside and I prefer to use Tap-A-Lap for the distance then just in case the storm or the fact that I’m running inside interfere with iRunner’s GPS capabilities somehow. 

3. My phone armband OR my belt clip phone holder – what pants or shorts I’m running in determines which of these options I prefer, but I always prefer not to hold my phone while I run. It interferes with my arms pumping, my running stance, and I don’t like the interference. 

4. My carabiner – because I also don’t like to carry my keys when I run so if I’m not wearing pants or shorts with pockets, I can just clip my van clicker to my bra strap and I won’t lose it, but I also don’t have to hold it. 

5. My hair clip – because running 2.75 miles nonstop is hard enough without having to redo your hair mid-run. I’ve been using my hair clip daily for over a month now and it still works as well now as it did the first day I got it. I was a little worried when I got it that somehow it would stretch out or become less effective over time like ponytails do, but I’m happy to say, it hasn’t. If your hair can look like this when you’re done running, your hair clip is working. Thank you Lilla Rose.

6. My headband/ear warmers – this is not so applicable in the summer – in the summer I stick with a tennis type sweat band, but the rest of the year, I prefer to use one of these:

It’s soft, keeps my hair from touching my face (it’s funny what annoys you when you’re running – my hair tickling my face annoys me)  and keeps my ears from getting irritated by the breeze. Plus the owl cable on it is so darn cute, I can keep wearing it after my run, too. 
7. A towel – not just for during the run, but also for when I stop running. For some reason, when I stop running or even if I slow down mid run, I immediately start pouring sweat, which is great. I love that toxins are leaving my body. I love the idea of my fat crying. What I don’t like is sweat in my eyeballs so my towel is a lifesaver. And it’s also the one thing I like to have while running that I forget to bring over 90% of the time. I tend to realize I’ve forgotten it about halfway to where I’m going to run and then I’d rather not turn back so I just do without. Every time I forget it, I regret it, but for some reason that doesn’t help me remember it the next time. I’m working on remembering it, though. Right now, I have a towel in my purse for tomorrow. 

That’s my list of my running necessities. . . What are yours? What makes your run a happy one? Is there anything you tend to forget when you run? I’d love for you to share yours in the comments. 

Happy running 🙂

Gluten Free and Dairy Free Pudgy and Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

While I was dating Eddie, I was on a 21 day sugar detox at some point, which he was supportive of and joined me on. This was one of the few recipes I made while we were on the detox that he has requested I make since we finished it. It is so incredibly good. It might be why he married me. Just kidding. Kind of. 

But seriously, I need to make these again. Kind of. In that I really don’t need cookies, they are not going to help me with my fitness goals, but they are a really good clean dessert option and I really do want to eat these again. Soon. 

Pudgy and Chewy Gluten Free, Dairy Free Chocolate Chip Cookies 

Ingredients:

• 2 cups fine ground blanched almond flour (I like Bob’s Red Mill brand.)
• 1/4 slightly rounded teaspoon baking soda (Bob’s Red Mill also makes a great baking soda, too.)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt (I like the Redmond real salt brand because it is minimally processed.)
• 1/3 cup melted coconut oil
• 1/4 cup honey (I like local raw honey for so many reasons)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon lemon juice (optional, I’ve never used this) 
• 1 tablespoon canned full fat coconut milk if you are dairy free or whole organic milk if you are not. I’ve always used whole milk. 
• 1/4 cup mini chocolate chips (I like dark chocolate)

Note: Be sure to ‘scoop’ up the almond flour with the cup and sweep over the top with a flat edge for this recipe. If you spoon it into the cup, you are likely to not have enough AF for the recipe, if you pack it you will have too much.

Directions: 

1. Preheat the oven to 350. 
2. In a large bowl, combine the almond flour, baking soda and salt until well blended. 
3. In a separate smaller bowl, whisk together the liquid ingredients. Blend well.
4. Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients, mixing just until combined. 
5. Fold in chocolate chips. Let the better rest for a few minutes while you line a large cookie sheet with parchment paper and stack that cookie sheet in a second cookie sheet. (This will help keep the bottoms from browning too fast.)
6. Using a tablespoon, scoop out slightly rounded amounts of cookie dough and tap it out of the spoon. Gently form smooth, round balls with the cookie dough. Place them on the cookie sheet about two inches apart. Using two fingers, lightly press down on the tops of the balls of dough. REALLY, you barely have to press at all for the ‘pudgy’ style cookie, just enough to flatten the top a little. 
7. Bake 11- 12 minutes. Keep an eye on them toward the end of baking, as times will vary from oven to oven, as well as thickness and size of cookie. They should be light in color as shown in the picture, with some amount of browning on the edges and bottoms. Remove from oven and let cool for about 5 minutes before removing from the pan.
8. Enjoy and repeat 🙂

Credit for this recipe goes to The Urban Poser. I am only the happy relayer of a fantastic recipe. Furthermore, all brands mentioned in this post are my personal favorites, not something I will in any way profit from. 

The best and worst ways to say happy birthday and my favorite cake recipe

So yesterday was my birthday. It didn’t start off well. I woke up with a stomach ache and cranky kids who forgot my birthday and then griped that I didn’t remind them it was my birthday before they started the day yelling at me. But we had a do over and it got better from there. 

I went to my favorite Korean restaurant with my neighbor and my sister and my sister surprised me with my favorite cake, which I will post the recipe for at the end of this post. 

My oldest daughter, Addy, is in band and they had a potluck for the band students last night so I chopped up a watermelon and we went to the middle school and had dinner with the band families. I’m so glad I took watermelon because besides banana pudding that was the only fruit there. And I’m glad we went. It wasn’t the healthiest meal but it was nice not to have to cook or clean up, just to relax and spend time with my family, watching Addy play her flute. All in all, it was a pretty good day. 

With the exception of 1 phone call. 

The best way to say happy birthday is by one of your favorite people with your favorite cake. And the worst way to say happy birthday is with an agenda. If you haven’t said happy birthday to me in over 5 years and you have an ulterior motive to do so, just don’t. 

Onto the recipe. This is by far my favorite dessert, not only because it’s delicious but also because it is my go to celebration dessert so it evokes memories of my favorite days. It was our wedding cake and has been our anniversary dessert and my husband’s birthday cake for several years. It’s a mutual favorite. Sometimes I make it just because I love it.
This is not the healthiest recipe, but can be made healthier by purchasing organic ingredients. I like to use the dirty dozen and clean 15 lists to figure out what to buy organic and non organic. 

So for this recipe, I buy organic blueberries. I also buy organic cornstarch because I know most of the corn and corn products in the US are Genetrically Modified and I prefer to avoid GMOs. Also unless the cows are organically raised, they are fed GM feed and that becomes part of the meat and the milk so I also try to get organic butter, cream cheese and cool whip. I also get organic sugar when I can. I haven’t found organic graham cracker crumbs yet but I’m looking. I did find this fantastic cool whip that has no hydrogenated oils in it and that’s one of my new favorite finds:

Jessica’s Blueberry Pie recipe 

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup butter, melted
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 2 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 2 eggs
• 1 1/2 cup sugar
• 8 oz cream cheese, softened 
• 3 tbsp corn starch
• 3 tbsp lemon juice (1 lemon, squeezed)
• 3 cups blueberries (16 oz bag frozen or 3 cups fresh)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350. 
2. Mix together butter, powdered sugar and graham cracker crumbs. 
3. Press into 9×13 or 8.5×11 pan. I like to use a spatula for this. 
4. Beat eggs, 1/2 cup sugar and cream cheese until smooth. 
5. Pour into crust and bake 20 minutes at 350. 
6. Mix 1 cup sugar, 3 tbsp corn starch, and 1 tbsp lemon juice in a pan on the stove. Cook to thicken. 
7. Add blueberries slowly, then add 2 tbsp water and 1 tbsp lemon juice. Cook until thickened to the consistency of pie filling. 
8. Remove from heat and allow to cool then spread on baked crust. 
9. Chill in fridge. 
10. Spread thawed cool whip on top. 
11. Enjoy and repeat often.